The Caribbean tour, which I had been covering for NBC Useful Idiot Hour, had been a disappointment. The house of Windsor was in more danger than ever. It was raining outside and the grounds were very wet, so William tried to stay indoors as he went into crisis mode. Horrible, horrible attitudes that have no place in a modern society, said sources very close to Harry and Meghan. Soon, the only question on everyone’s mind was: who were the royals who ruined Harry and Meghan’s lives by asking what their baby might look like? Now, as the Dutch version has been published, I can tell you that it was Charles and that cow Kate. Soon, Buckingham Palace was riven with scandal when a 112-year-old courtier asked a black woman where she came from. Charles’s legendary petulance was evident when he cursed his pen with a torrent of abuse. “At last, I am the king.” Yet the mood couldn’t hold. “About bloody time,” he told a group of well-wishers. The king was all smiles as he did a royal walkabout. Within days, Charles had launched a countrywide PR campaign. ![]() Even at the funeral, they cut lonely figures as the king and I led the country in mourning. This, sadly, was indicative of the constant bullying of him and Meghan by the royals. The finest vice‑admiral of his generation.īut where was Harry? Left to hire a private jet on his own. Now, there was just the bustle of the royal family paying their respects. Two days earlier, among the heathered valleys – how much more of this do you want? – Paul Burns had played a lonely lament on his bagpipes. It’s not my fault the Dutch edition named those with unconscious bias. The monarchy was in great peril, rocked by accusations of bullying, misogyny and racism. ![]() We all knew Charles would be a crap king. I thought of the country I loved so much. Later that day, as I sat beside the late queen’s bed in Balmoral, Charles entered the room. Cliche after cliche tumbled into my head. My head literally reeled, unable to grasp the momentousness of this momentous occasion. ![]() Goodbye and good luck with your terribly important book.” You are the first person I’ve told and I would like you to keep the news to yourself until I can get hold of Charles. So, I have decided that I am going to die at three o’clock this afternoon. Seeing that halfwit Liz Truss on Tuesday was the final straw. “I’m afraid I haven’t been feeling at all well recently. “I have some very important news for you,” the queen continued. “It is indeed, your majesty,” I replied, throwing myself prostrate.
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